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16th-Aug-2006 06:10 pm
  • Dear auntie, when I ask for 'tah mee' (dry noodles), I really don't expect my noodles and minced pork bits to be floating in half a bowl of soup. I was hoping for the Sahara desert with noodles instead.

  • Dear uncle, tweezing your stray grey nose hairs on the bus is not only unsexy, but you're also making my eyes water in sympathy pain. Please stop it.

  • Dear school boy, you may be spoilt by your parents, grandparents and great ancestors, because you have a weiner between your legs, but to me, you're an obnoxious fat kid who is blocking my exit from the MRT train. Please move your lard ass out of the way first, so I can remove mine first and allow you to board.

  • Dear downstairs auntie, I know the hungry ghosts are awaiting their supply of paper money and you're trying to be kind by burning them millions, but do you really have to do it at the common corridor staircase on the 3rd floor... when there are many burn drums on the ground for everyone's use? I am going to die of lung cancer already and you're speeding up the process.

  • Dear nearby junior college couples, you may be over 16, but please avoid using our staircases as love hotels. You guys have thankfully not littered the floors with used condoms, for which I am extremely thankful for. But Hotel 81 is opening just down the road and I hear they have some pretty attractive rates. Considering the size of some of your disposable incomes, these rates shouldn't daunt you at all. In fact, if enough of you gather together, I'm sure the hotel will come up with a student discount rate for you.
16th-Aug-2006 12:34 pm (UTC)
*chokes and dies*

you are so funny girl <3
16th-Aug-2006 02:28 pm (UTC)
Heh, not at all. It's the people I see who are funny. ^_^;;;
Apparently I give off 'weirdo' pheromones. XD
16th-Aug-2006 02:55 pm (UTC)
Dear beautiful Aussie chick, i know you have the right to voice your views in tutes..but before u speak out, please think it carefully and avoid sounding like a 'lamborghini without a set of wheels'..that can vroom alot but just can't move, but however.. i do appreciate your very low and sexy top in uni, every male would.

Dear ABC boy, i know you have got the perfect aussie accent, but do not forget u are a fucking asian, and don't ever look down on your own race, even thou their english may not be as accentedly right sounding like yours, and didnt grow up buying industrie and mooks...and i forgot to mention industrie and mook are really quite fugly, there u go, not tt great, common!!!

Dear Queen Vic butcher, its understood that it may be a little stifling hot doing all the cutting up of meats..yes..even though its winter..but i think we will really appreciate if u do not mix your wonderful smelling perspiration into the beef steak that im attempting to buy..and even if you can't, u can actually try not to'sauteed your sweat' into the meat, as if you are lacquering up a wood furniture as a finishing move.
Thank You

Dear Lygon Street Italian Server,
i hope you know what is customer service..it is actually respecting your customers first and foremost. And just because im brown, have nicer legs for jeans, and not such big a butt..doesnt mean that i cant converse in english, you don't have to 'ni hao ma' me in Mandarin..because you just sounded like a clown in a c-grade circus..ohh..and mayb cos together with the fact tt u have a fat round butt and wore mishaped slacks as pants.

Dear very classy lady on Collins Street, i know its absolutely in your culture and social class to wear all the expensive labels you can find on planet earth..but please, the next time when the temperature is low as 7 degrees and weather reports state that its windy, (and when its melbourne type of windy, its really howling actually), don't wear your burberry scarf, cos its really sympathetic to see a lady of your class, having to chase after a prized possession. i think the chase went on for 10 secs..n im really thankful you didnt trip and fell onto the cobblestone streets..cos then that will just ruin everything you have on. i was nervous for you.


u made me laugh, mel..i hope i did.:P
16th-Aug-2006 06:32 pm (UTC) - For me, it'd be much simpler
Dear middle-management person. Fuck off, lah.
17th-Aug-2006 02:51 am (UTC) - Re: For me, it'd be much simpler

You're referring to the insurance people or the HODs?
17th-Aug-2006 08:09 am (UTC) - Re: For me, it'd be much simpler
The latter.

For the moment, I love insurance people. Can fuck with their minds... haha.
16th-Aug-2006 10:32 pm (UTC)
So many clueless people... and so flammable too. XD
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