Dear auntie, when I ask for 'tah mee' (dry noodles), I really don't expect my noodles and minced pork bits to be floating in half a bowl of soup. I was hoping for the Sahara desert with noodles instead.
Dear uncle, tweezing your stray grey nose hairs on the bus is not only unsexy, but you're also making my eyes water in sympathy pain. Please stop it.
Dear school boy, you may be spoilt by your parents, grandparents and great ancestors, because you have a weiner between your legs, but to me, you're an obnoxious fat kid who is blocking my exit from the MRT train. Please move your lard ass out of the way first, so I can remove mine first and allow you to board.
Dear downstairs auntie, I know the hungry ghosts are awaiting their supply of paper money and you're trying to be kind by burning them millions, but do you really have to do it at the common corridor staircase on the 3rd floor... when there are many burn drums on the ground for everyone's use? I am going to die of lung cancer already and you're speeding up the process.
Dear nearby junior college couples, you may be over 16, but please avoid using our staircases as love hotels. You guys have thankfully not littered the floors with used condoms, for which I am extremely thankful for. But Hotel 81 is opening just down the road and I hear they have some pretty attractive rates. Considering the size of some of your disposable incomes, these rates shouldn't daunt you at all. In fact, if enough of you gather together, I'm sure the hotel will come up with a student discount rate for you.