Due to an influx of recent additions to LJ-friends, and some incidents (and the grapevine), this subject has been churned over and digested. This post (which has been sitting on my desktop a good 5 months) is its result and is a sharing of my thoughts on the matter.
It's long... not particularly ranty, but probably good to know. Thus, I'm not LJ-friending this entry.LJ-Friending Policy
My LJ-friending philosophy is fairly straight-forward: I add people I am interested to get to know. Admiring and/or liking that person is usually the starting point. Friending gives me a chance to read about them, their lives, their dreams/amibitions, etc. It's stalker curiousity (I'm a cyber-stalker), but that's the way it is.
I don't add people back when:
- we don't seem to share many similar interests
- the person posts a number of picture/photo entries, which are not resized or LJ-cut
Once or twice is fine, but it irks me to no end if this is done repeatedly. My screen is set at 1280 x 800, so if my browser gets auto-resized, the photo/picture is just too big.
- the person persistently writes posts in IRC/MSN internet slang.
It's too annoying to try to break the code and decipher meaning from the jumble of non-words. I'm a literary tightwad.
- I don't know the person in real life (or at least met them once)
I do however have online friends I've had the honor of getting to know over years (we're talking more than 5 here), and they're really exceptional people. If you fall in this category, don't worry. We'll be getting to know each other real soon.
That said, I don't mind if people don't add me back. It's really
Likewise, I expect people not to mind if I don't add them back.Un-Friending Policy
I don't particularly like to remove someone from my f-list without some kind of warning and vice versa, but I am ok with being culled too. People have their reasons, and perhaps they don't like confrontations. Fair enough. I wouldn't hold it against them if they just told me they hated my guts after reading the monotony that is my life. I'm not the sort of person who goes "well, SCREW YOU TOO, you annoying piece of bit** sh**".
... erm, no.
... well, maybe. (o^_^o)
Hey, I'm allowed to whine, bitch and moan, just like everyone else.
Once we get past this part, trust comes next. Filtering Policy
A certain amount of trust must be called upon, when you add a stranger and allow them to view your friends-only posts. Because knowledge is power and I am one of those idiots who assumes that people can generally be trusted with whatever I dish out. Which in my case, seems to be a lot. It honestly doesn't take much to figure out who I am, where I'm from and what I do.
If, for whatever reason, I find myself unable to trust someone, I start filtering to deprive the person of further information in an attempt to protect
myself from the backstabbing, rumour-mill generating and drama that inevitably finds its way in any community. It is not a vindictive act or an attempt at power play. I am 27 years old, not 7. Thus I have to understand and be concerned with the implications of CONSEQUENCE. Commenting Policy
I don't expect everyone to post a comment to everything I post.
And I generally don't post a comment to everything I read.
I have a real life. You have a real life.
I try not to hold grudges about what people say either.
Just cuz we're friends doesn't mean we have to agree with everything.
And, people say stupid things all the time. And sometimes regret it.
If you apologise for it, it's all good.
I look for the same forgiveness when something stupid comes out of my mouth. Which can be more often than I'd care to admit. Screw me when what I said is stupid. I don't mind.
I may or may not apologise, depending on what the issue is. We're all human and I'm as far away from perfect as George Bush Jnr is from getting another Presidential term of office.
There should be a lot of pride in being honest, but diplomacy and fear have run it into the ground. There was a time when I would not hesitate to bite someone's head off for plain stupidity, because I believe in honesty.
Age, as simoom
once said, has mellowed me out, so today my words are roughly minced. Some people just can't handle the truth. And I lack the energy and enthusiasm to constantly defend myself against things I sometimes cannot see. Therefore I have immense respect for people, who approach me to say they heard I said this or that about them (which is 90% untrue). The shock of hearing people talk behind my back never fails to amaze me (I cannot be the most interesting person to be talked about).
Which brings about another point: I detest the mind games people play. Which is something girls/women do quite frequently. Friendships are manipulated, advantages are taken and trust is broken. It makes building relationships extremely difficult. I like to keep people like that at arm's length, cuz that sort of relationship is destructive, mentally exhausting and psychologically maddening.
And we all know how nuts I already am.